12/13/5 – on earlier boat. Tired. Took pill. Thinking about work, morale, reading a computer history book. Crap to do. Thinking about writing a fictional history of the dotcom boom and bust. Just need to get to Christmas. Then get through January. Totally uninspired by this job. Wondering what I can do better, where I can be better. Just getting by. No fun.

12/12/5 – Monday morning and I feel fine. Of course I had a very relaxing weekend when I didn’t think about work one whit. I should write after work some time. Need a new notebook – have to consolidate weekend writing. Work I hate gets me paid. Work I like gets me nothing.

12/9/5 – a Friday – took one last night when I got home at 7:00 and then again this morning and must admit to feeling better – again I have no idea if this is just a comfort thing if there’s a continuous stream required at regular intervals or if you achieve a certain stasis and disrupting that stasis requires more than a 12 hour variance. Or, of course, whether I just feel better because I think I should feel better. I’ve been reading a book on philosophy and am coming to the conclusion tha the answer lies in probing the inner – at least for me. The external world and scientific advancement is plenty probed by others and I can do little to advance those efforts. However, the plumbing of the mind and what has motivated/inspired/troubled man from the moment of enlightenment is a subject I can sink my teeth into. Yes, feeling a bit better today.

12/8/5 – forgot Lamictal – I don’t know if it’s psychosomatic, but am really low energy today. Not feeling well physically and had an early morning wake up call from the kid so that may be contributing. Still taking this pill every day for nearly six weeks and then missing a day can’t be good.

12/7/5 on an earlier boat.
I had an idea for the All Hands meeting – make it like a revival meeting. Make the boss into a Jimmy Swaggert or Jim and Tammy Faye Baker – do you believe!?! Have folks come up and confess they’d strayed from the path, do a laying on of the hands – You are healed! Go forth and believe in the power of Network Security. It has some potential…
I had a dream last night I was on a boat with people from work. Not sure if the boss was there. Someone else was driving the boat. I was trying to get the VP of Sales attention but he was on the phone, I went into the next cabin and there was the Regional Sales Director also stuck to the phone. There was a rocking on the boat as it made a wild turn to avoid hitting another boat. We turned around and the boat got out of the water – like one of those Duckboats. It drove to some building and then I was in a bedroom. My sister was in bed with me and then the Director of Product Marketing came in and was looking at me very confused. I said, oh, this is my sister. That didn’t reassure her.
I think I’m thinking about work too much.

12/6/5 – I was wrong, yesterday was Dec. 6th
Feeling pretty good, writing inspirational aphorisms and other bullshit for work. The sun is shining, rising glowing and reflecting off the Sound. I’ve got a tough day today and tomorrow fighting back.

12/5/5
Just to put something down. 17 more days before vacation. I had a dream with my friend in it last night. We were engaged in some sort of an assault on a weird mountain military installation, sneaking past guards and contacting someone on the inside. He wanted me to put on some strange orange foam headgear. Then we escaped and went to a party, but he went in first and I was wandering around backyards. There were lots of people I knew from high school and college.
So I mentioned this in the Big Black Book and a chronicle of mood stabilization might end up in multiple locations and need consolidation later, but here you go. Friday I met with the psychiatrist, last day of 100 mg Lamictal. Saturday filled the prescription, but didn’t take it until 4:00 then went out with some friends, had four glasses of wine and felt great. Sunday morning felt slightly hungover but worked through it, actually went for a run. Today is Monday and I’m not looking forward to work, but that is to be expected. And, hey I’m scribbling again which says something in itself. Meeting today about the company’s morale, had some ideas, like morale sucks because they know they’re going to get sold down the river.